Friday, August 28, 2009

Play by Play: Live From the Doctor's Office

** This blog contains no references or pictures of me climbing ladders, installing roofing or any other activity where I look like I'm going to fall due to my compromised sense of balance. It was starting to scare the regular readers. **
Rather, a brief summary of yesterday's Dr. appt:
Dr: How's it going? Any contractions yet? Getting pretty close...
Me: I don't think so. Although, a couple of weeks ago I was trying to start the weed eater and felt this little tinge of pain in my side and then my whole stomach got rock hard for a few minutes.
(Side note: I was trying to start the weed eater to weed eat the septic mounds at 8pm on a Sunday night...because that's the kind of crazy I am these days. Todd refused to help me start it because he's able to recognize my crazy behavior and I continue to pull and pull on that damn weed eater until it finally started. Todd looked on very disapprovingly from the front porch. So, when my entire abdomen spasmed I did the only natural thing: hide it from Todd.)
Dr: That's normal. It's about that time Braxton-Hicks might start showing up.
Me: And, come to think of it, I was moving a bale of hay (read: unloading an entire wagon full of haybales) and had this horrible pain in my side. It didn't last long and doesn't hurt now.
Dr: Hmmm. Yes, your abdominal muscles are under A LOT of strain in their, uh, current state. Again, not unusual. Did you ever think about asking someone to move the hay for you?
Me: Uh, yeah......I guess.....anyway, forget week we're planning on a trip to Eastern Washington to my family's cabin in Omak. Do you think its safe for me to go?
Dr: Yeah, if anything were to happen you'd be close to Omak General Hospital.
Me: Well, it's like an hour outside of Omak, take a right and then 40 miles on a dirt road.
Dr: You're due in 3 weeks and from what I've gathered about your "birth plan" you don't intend to do it on the table in that cabin, right? Hospital all the way? What kind of throw-down challenge are you in here?
Me: Right.... Todd said it would be alright because as long as they can get me on a tarp in the back of the truck he could probably get me all the way back to Bellingham before I delivered. All he'd need is a bucket of water and a sponge to keep my blow hole wet - I think he saw them transport a whale like that once. And it lived.
Dr: Right. We'll check you the night before you go (to see if I'm dilated at all..) and stay away from the stuff that will induce labor, like sex and the nipple twisting - you should be fine. See you next week.
Me: Sweet.