Monday, August 31, 2009
Why Couples Prenatal Yoga is Not Appropriate for People Who Can't Be Serious and Pregnant Women Who Can't Control Their Emotions...
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Now, for those of you who don't know Todd is a little shaky with the ladders (remember when I was screwing together roof joists and putting on the metal roofing while he handed up tools and screws?...) so I ran the wires down the center beam to all the necessary outlets and installed and wired in the overhead lights while Todd was the brains behind the operation, figuring things out from the ground.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
It's just the question and answer thing I'm so caught up on. I understand we were all first time moms in the class, but COME ON people, have you NO idea what you were getting into? Have you not read ONE bit of advice on becoming a parent or what its like to even BE pregnant? Can you NOT reason logically? What WERE you thinking? And, where are the people who obviously should be giving out the permits for this whole baby-having thing?
Example #1: In the whole "what to expect" section of things, the nurse explained that "in the first hour post-delivery a nurse will be around 4 times that hour to massage your uterus. You can do it yourself as well as this will help it return to its normal size quicker." Horrified, one lady raised her hand and asked, "When you say 'massaging the uterus' you mean from the outside, right?"
What do you say to something like that? The outside? Really? 'Cause you seriously think after pushing something the size of a full grown Shih-Tzu out your va-jay-jay they're really going to have the audacity to ram their hand back up in there to see if you're hemorrhaging? Really? Really? And just how would they see if you were hemorrhaging with their fricking hand up there? Yes, you massage it from the outside.
Example #2: The nurse, explaining why not to buy a nursing bra yet since you don't know what size you'll be and your milk won't come in for 2-3 days fields this question: "When they take the baby away do they feed it? I mean, aren't they hungry? And, if your milk isn't here for 2-3 days what do they eat?" So, SO, so many things wrong with that statement.
First of all - were exactly are "they" taking it to? And why are "they" taking it away? We had just covered the fact that the newborns room in with you. They don't ever take them "away." That's the whole point of having a private birthing suite - they stay with you. Were you even paying attention to this lady's spiel about the hospital? Geez. And, moreover, where have you been the last 9 months when the doctors, the books, your friends, your mother - even complete complete strangers explain to you the idea of colostrum and how it nourishes the baby in the first few days until your milk comes in? What about the idea that it may already be leaking out?
This lady's about to pop and has no idea what the baby eats.
Example #3: During the discussion about what to expect when laboring the nurse points out "this isn't going to be some romantic, candle-lit event - this is labor!" the granola, hippy, all I wear is velour dresses and carry hobo bags lady stops her to say, "But, as part of our birth plan we wanted the lights dim and have scented candles burning." The nurse then had to explain to her how each and every room in the hospital is equipped with an oxygen tank and how that is somewhat incompatible with her "birth plan" or anyone else's idea of having a frickin' open flame in their room. Bring an oil warmer or something, 'cause you're going to have a whole hella lotta people rushing in there to snuff out your candles while you're jacked up in the stirrups. This is the same lady who asked if it was illegal to bring gifts to your nurse. Like bribery? Thoughtful, but yes, illegal. Is she going to be so terrible that she's already thinking about bribing her L&D nurse? Christ.
But, then, how would we know if we didn't ask? Secretly I wanted to ask if Griz (our dog) could come visit me in the recovery room, but seriously, I kinda know deep down the answer would be no and I don't want to end up on someone else's blog about some idiot asking whether or not their dog could be in the labor room.
People have been doing this baby-having thing for thousands of years now. I'm assuming it'll go just fine. Those other ladies are in for a big surprise though. Bummer.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
After showering, a quick hair fix (ponytail again..) and a touch of cover up in an attempt to disguise the "puffiness", I start to get dressed. From my own perspective a pregnant lady getting dressed is kinda like watching an elephant doing the hula. I can barely lift my legs off the ground because of the "strained ligament" episode (remember the frozen peas) and pulling up elastic waistband pants has become a task in and of itself. Just the act of wriggling into pants these days leaves me winded. And, its not like I can bend far enough over to put my foot in normally...its like a crap shoot trying to wrangle a foot into straight-leg maternity pants.
Todd: "You're being so loud."
Me: Oh no you didn't. "Really? ....Really? Am I being as loud as you are the other 4 days a week when you get up at 3:30? And, PS its a lot quieter in the kitchen."
Me: "Ya know, in the kitchen, where I usually am cooking your breakfast in the morning. Forget it - I'll have breakfast at my parent's house."
Todd: "But, I don't even shower in the morning."
Right. The stranger in my dream was right - I just don't get along with people! As I head into the kitchen even more irritated because there's a dirty pan on the stove and I SO swear in an OCD frenzy last night I was SURE I'd cleaned the entire kitchen, I realize the pan is full of warm, homemade blueberry oatmeal. And I know what you're thinking: Has she totally gone off the edge and started sleep-cooking too? No.
While I was in the shower, making all that noise, thinking horrible, angry thoughts and cursing the guy in my dream, my absolutely wonderful husband had gotten out of bed (on his day off, at 5:00am) and had cooked me breakfast and before I could even discover this, I had lit into him about how I would have cooked him breakfast even though not once this week have I even had enough energy to think about getting up with him. I AM AN ASS! It's true!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
3. How long until I can get an epidural and how long does it last? (Answer: Whenever I think I've had enough labor pain. Hours and hours of numbness at the touch of a doctor's finger.)