Sunday, February 27, 2011

Wow. So That Hurt Pretty Bad.

While I was at the mall today exchanging the gross of shirts I purchased for Todd I thought to myself, "Self, you deserve an eyebrow wax." I consider getting my eyebrows waxed a non-necessity - somewhat of a "splurge" - because truly its nothing I can't accomplish with some time and a good set of tweezers. I've only had it done twice before but today was a special day! Luxury!

So, I head off to the salon. The lady behind the desk says, "What can I do for you?", to which I say, "I was wondering if you had time for an eyebrow way?" She ushered me in to the back room and sat me down...and in her very accented voice says, "Oh..eyebrow wax? You want lip wax too?" Kind of offended, I scoff, "No!" But then, very secretly begin thinking, "Wait. Do I need it waxed? Why would she ask if I didn't? Is my lip really hairy or something?" So, I say to her, "Uhh. I've never had it waxed you think I need it done?"

Ah. Silly Rikki. Never ask someone you're paying if they think you need more work. She pulls in for a close up - seriously - inches from my face, then draws back and says, "Hmmm. Oh yeeesss. You need lip waxed!" And I wasn't sure if I was more offended by her response or horrified to have been running around looking like Chewbacca this long!!

I (silly Rikki) asked "Does it hurt?" To which she replied, "Not more than eyebrows." So, I think to myself "Crap. That really hurts. I bet this is really going to hurt." And it did. I was obviously the first waxing of the day because she had to heat the wax up in the microwave so it was like fresh napalm on my face. Awesome. Thank God I wore a hat to the mall so I could kinda hike my red mustache and the red rings around my eyebrows. I looked like a fool.

Four hours later (after the redness has subsided) I kinda like the outcome. By man, it did hurt!

Wardrobe Malfunction: Take Two.

So, I arrive home yesterday with a fresh batch of shirts to complete Todd's wardrobe makeover. He goes to try them on and every single one of them look like they were painted on. The sleeves of some of them were so small they wouldn't even stretch over his arms.

So, moral of the story is: According to me, Todd is as wide as he is tall (the great pant accident) and his upper body is that of a 12 year old.

So, I'm off to the store again... to exchange the shirts.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Oh No You Didn't...

I've often wondered what it would be like to be a guy and buy clothes or underwear for your girlfriend/wife. You could never win that one. Really. If you buy something that's too big then she's going to say, "How huge do you think I am? A-hole." And, if you get too many sizes too small she'd say, "You have unrealistic ideas about my size." and feel like a heifer for months. If you buy the right size she'd be mortified to know someone other than the dry cleaner knew her real size. Any way you cut it you'd lose.

So, what was I thinking trying to buy Todd some new jeans today? Really. Let's set the scene: me, at Costco (who shops retail these days?), combat shopping with my parents and the cranky baby. (A cold weather snap is like the end of the world around here and everyone and their mother rushed to Costco this afternoon to fill up on canned goods. I swear.) Todd is in desperate need of new jeans an I found two great, reasonably priced pairs and threw them in the cart. Some could argue I'm not, umm, "detail oriented", but I was totally sure I had the right size.

I arrive home, proud of myself, and sure Todd would love his new jeans. He walks in and I show him my prized possession: his new pants! Da-dah!!

..and the silence...and the head shaking..and the "How short and fat do you think I am?"  "Jigga-what?" Obviously not the "Thanks so much! How did you remember what size I wore? You're amazing." stuff I had imagined.

Apparently my take on Todd's size and Todd's real size are very different. A simple slip of the mind (not that my mind is slipping...) And, to top it off "You've bought the wrong size the last three times!!"

Friday, February 18, 2011

You Know You Play Too Much XBox Live....

...when your baby wants to wear your headset around the house and the only way to avoid a 6:00am meltdown is to let him wear it in the car. And that, my friends, is when you know you play too much XBox.

(Actually, its really cute. He thinks he's a rock star with a headset microphone and dances around with that thing on his head. I'll try to get some video of him and post it.)

On a side note: look who discovered KETCHUP!!! Mmmmm.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

A Little Boy and His Dog.

Colt loves Griz, that's for sure. "Dizzy" and "Dog" were two of his first words! Kissy kissy!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

When The Mother's Away...

Or, getting a massage in the next room. Seriously. I injured my shoulder four years ago when I fell from my horse three weeks before our wedding and suffered whiplash and a concussion. They wanted to put me in a neck brace and knowing full-well if I let Todd see me in one of those things he'd never let me get on a horse again, I just gave the doctor the, "Oh. I'll be fine..." Well, fast forward to my twice-monthly massage where Sonja arrives, sets her table up and I enjoy one hour of pure bliss while she tries to undo a shoulder injury that will probably haunt me the rest of my life.

Anyway, I digress. So, while the mom's away, the baby shall play! Here is what Todd caught him doing the second he turned away. Again, picture me blissfully aware in the next room...

See, the thing about babies is well, they're just so quick. And resourceful. Thank god for washable markers.

Who's the cutest little thing you've ever seen?? Seriously. This kid is a crack up.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

40mph and a Full Stop.

Not that I speed everywhere. Or, hardly anywhere. Let's be serious  - I have a toddler in tow. But, on my way to work this morning I followed one of the most irritating drivers in the county. Now, let's preface by saying I wasn't in a hurry either. I was a good 20 minutes early for my commute. I had my coffee. Second cup and was on my way to drop Colt off at my parent's house. Early. Not in a hurry. Driving the speed limit. Enjoying my morning.
Then, I fall in behind this SUV half way to work. Crossing our first major byway I notice his first full stop and three second pause before crossing the road. It's a busy road, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but there were no cars coming.
The next intersection only has three stop signs and one road has the right of way. As we approach the carless intersection (and I could tell because it was pitch black and level ground and no headlights to be seen for miles...) again, a full on stop (complete with turn indicator - which I appreciated) followed by the three second pause and then he made his turn and gently accelerated again. Topping out at 40mph (although the posted speed limit was 45mph) I followed on. At first it was cute: a driver who followed the rules and didn't speed. Different. But, I grew a little tired of nearly rear-ending this guy twice.
The final straw came on the last 4-way stop before I turned off the main road. It's a four way all stop with a blinking red light at an area where traffic can be seen approaching for a good two miles in every direction. I was turning right, as we he too (again, blinker on much further ahead of time than legally required). I'm not lying when I say everyone. Everyone. rolls through that intersection. Visibility is high, traffic flow is low and seriously everyone rolls through it. I'm not endorsing this as the right thing to do, I'm just saying think about how much gas you save by not stopping and resuming speed. Skewed logic? Perhaps.
So, I know this guy is going to blow this stop sign. And, did he? NO!! Blinker, complete stop, three second pause and slow acceleration to 40mph (again, 45mph posted speed limit). ARG! After nearly rear-ending him a third time, I couldn't contain my frustration and thought some very bad thoughts about him (the baby was in the car and I don't want his second language being pirate-speak like his mother).
The last intersection where I turn to go to work or to my parent's house approached and I was glad to be getting out from behind this guy. I knew he wouldn't be turning towards my parent's house. And he didn't: he turned right and went to MY WORK. I work with this guy! This irritating by-the-book, rule-following, slow driver! I work with him! Awesome.