Thursday, October 6, 2011

Slugs, Slugs and MORE Slugs!

We have been working very hard on not touching the slugs lately. I got plain tired of scrubbing that goop they leave off his little body. I understand that at this age slugs are about the only animal he CAN catch, but still. NO MORE SLUGS!!
So, I was SO proud last weekend when, on our routine trip to the barn in the morning, when he spotted a slug he screamed, "SLUG!! Slug, mommy!" Followed shortly by, "No touching mommy. Just looking!" Ah, my heart fluttered with pride. And we walked on.
Three strides later, in the same breath, he looked at me and said, "Mommy licks slugs." And when I gasped and replied, "No I don't! Mommy doesn't lick slugs!" He just looked at me, quite compassionately, and said, "And daddy too. Daddy licks slugs." And then walked on.

Seriously? Seriously. Still pretty cute, even if he talks some smack.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Please Park the Lawn Mower.

This actually happened tonight:

At about 8:00 tonight, I jumped on the lawn mower to "clean up" some of the clippings from mowing the lawn yesterday. After that I thought I'd just do a small area behind the garage. Then, I thought I'd just do the fence line (afterall, tomorrow IS weedeating day!), then I thought I'd do MORE fence line, then I just decided to mow about 2 acres of our 5 acre field. Because that's totally normal, right?
Well, half way through the field I came back up to the house to re-fuel and Todd says, "You need to call the farrier back. He just called."

"Cool." I call, no response. So, I leave Todd with my planner (to schedule my appointment while I finished mowing the field - obviously) and head back out.

When I finally finish (after 9:00 sometime), I say to Todd, "Did anyone else call?"
"No. Oh, wait - someone DID call. Your sanity. It said it wants you back."

To which I reply, "Hmm. I thought I had that number disconnected."

Monday, June 27, 2011

Oh, So Many Things To Cover

Sorry for the huge delay in posts.... now, on to the stories.....

I'm not sure where to start: the long-awaited goat departure, the increase to 200 chickens on our property, the 5:10am chicken wrangling last weekend, or the story about why I'm sitting here with my leg elevated, iced, bandaged and the skin is missing from my right forearm.

Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves.....let's talk about the Moon Story.

So, Colt's new thing is "Cheer-o". I couldn't get this kid to eat Cheerios to save his life, but the tides have turned and it seems like that's all he wants morning, noon and night. His absolute favorite thing to do is bite them in half, hold them up and yell, "Moon! Moon! Mommy - moon!!" Because, obviously, Cheerios bitten in half look like moons. Pretty bright kid, right?

So, last night's dinner appetizer was in fact, Cheerios. He munched a pretty good sized bowl of them and kept exclaiming with delight, "Moon!!" After he'd finished up the last of them he coughed a bit and then started sneezing like crazy. Very unnatural, repetitive sneezing that didn't seem like it was going to stop. I turned to grab a Kleenex, and when I turned back the final sneeze (with much more vigor!) launched the biggest snot rocket I've ever seen on to his upper lip. Holding back the vomit that had crept up my throat, I went in with the Kleenex. 
But, before I could grab it he popped his little hand up there and rubbed it all around. Only, it wouldn't rub around. He grabbed the chunk, looked at it, held  and proudly exclaimed, "Moon! Mommy - moon!" 

Sure enough, that little bugger had crammed one up his nose.  He's a nose rammer. Gonna have to keep an eye on him.....

Monday, May 23, 2011

Who Goes There??

A few nights ago I had just put Colt down for bed, Todd was out mowing the lawn and I was busily cleaning up after dinner. I was alone. Definitely alone. Seriously, definitely alone. When, I hear, clear as day like it was coming from around the corner, a deep, gravelly, manly voice say, "Hey...."

I spun around, and nothing. No one, nothing. Then I hear again, "Hey. You fine..." And, just when I think I'm going mad (because I AM certainly alone) I hear AGAIN, "Hey. You HUGE. You fine."

I didn't know whether to be completely terrified that someone was in my house unannounced or completely horrified that they thought I was huge. And fine?!

So, just when I'm about to tear out of the house and get Todd, I realize Colt has taken his ModoModo toy (from Madagascar the movie) to bed and I'm hearing it coming through the baby monitor.

Seriously, just one more Valium and I'll be fine. Really.  :)

Monday, May 2, 2011

You're hand shouldn't be dirty, because we haven't been outside yet.

Yesterday morning as Colt was watching some cartoons and Todd slept, I was busily preparing a nice breakfast. Just like I do most weekend mornings.
I went in to the front room and said, "Come on Colt. Time for breakfast. Let's get in your chair!!" And, as he came towards me I thought, "Hmm. I wonder where he got into dirt at?" Knowing full well I had bathed him the night before and we had not, in fact, been outside yet that morning, I was a little suspicious of the apparant dirt.
Which, I'm sure you've realized by now wasn't dirt. Instead, it was a curious boy with a poopy diaper and a stinky hand. And I spent the next 30 minutes collecting everything that wasn't nailed down and washing it.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Saying Goodbye to Texas. Not Really That Hard Afterall....

So, I spent the last week in Houston taking an analyzer training class. I know, I know...a thrill a minute - but I won't bore you with the seedy details of exactly how the chemiluminescence works. Instead I will recap some of my observations during said trip. (And, as a disclaimer, I understand that the blonde shows through sometimes...)

  1. Geography 101. News to me! Houston is on the water!! After taking off from Seattle and discovering I was sitting next to a Houstonite, I began pumping her for information. One such conversation involved her telling me, "Oh, just go down over the ship channel..blah...blah..blah." "Ship what?" "Houston's near the ocean?" "Uh, yeah."  Then she whipped out the "Where Alaska Airlines Flies" magazine and made me look like an idiot. Note to self: Self, check where you're going before you get on the short bus. Seriously. "Hey, Rikki, try this purple Kool-Aid. It's really good."
  2. Highways. You can always tell when you're near a highway in Texas. Because next to a perfectly good highway, they build another highway. Then, they call that highway a "frontage road." Whatever. Call it was it is: a three lane highway built RIGHT next to a perfectly good four lane one. And, don't even think about calling them "free"ways. That brings me to point #3.
  3. Toll Roads. Aren't taxes supposed to pay for that? What's up with charging people to drive on a road that should have already been budgeted for? That's like me charging Todd $2 for dinner when I've already used his money to buy the groceries. And the EZ Pass? Nothing too easy about that.
  4. The gyms. Everything's bigger in Texas. Swear: four acres of cardio equipment in this gym. Along with a pool, sauna, steam room, dance studio, rock wall, health food cafe, on-staff massage therapists and physical trainers wandering around giving you tips. I was pondering the need for a gym this size when it struck me: No one in their RIGHT MIND would work out outside. The heat, the humidity, the explains it all. Even early April was hot and muggy.
  5. The weather. My 3.5 hour flight turned into a 5 hour flight due to tornado/wild weather threats. Not cool. Not at all.
So, all in all, Texas was fun to visit, but boy am I glad to be home!!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Whoa!! Nice Donkey!

So, this is what it looks like when you put a full sized saddle and a normal sized kid on a miniature donkey. He was pretty patient to tell you the truth...

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Is It The Weekend YET?

Scene: Our bedroom, day before yesterday. It's dawn, kinda.

I roll over and grogily say to Todd, "Is it a weekend today?" Decent question, I thought, since it was sorta light out and Todd's alarm hadn't gone off and Colt was still asleep.
To which he answered, "OH Shit!!" And, being the master of non-verbal communication I inferred it was not, in fact, a weekend.) So, we rocket out of bed and scramble off to work.

And, a couple of things I thought of after the fact:
  1. I have always relied on Colt to be my back-up alarm. He's obviously becoming unreliable.
  2. When did it become acceptable to not know what day it is? Really. Pre-baby was like a countdown to weekend fun. Now it seems every day is Groundhog Day. Up at 6:00, bottle, diaper change, shower, pack lunch, start car, work....
  3. Cat barf on the hood of your car the one day you're late to work only makes things worse.

Saturday, March 12, 2011


Pardon me while I indulge in a little self-admiration..

..Just finished the Bellingham Runnin' O The Green 5 mile run in 43 minutes. And, I ran the whole way. That's right. Eat it up.

..ok, now that we have THAT our of our system, here are a few important realizations I came to during the race. Most of these came to me about mile 3 - ya know, too far away to turn back (would have been longer to turn back at that point anyway) and too close to quit. Plus, there was this 85 year old lady I was tailing the whole race and I wasn't going to let her get away from me.
  1. Whole milk. Bad idea. Phlegm, phlegm and more phlegm. Thankfully my music was loud enough that I couldn't hear my hacking. Can't imagine the other racers liked that.
  2. Garlic and onion hash browns the morning of the race. Stinky, burpy nastiness. Nothing like pushing through that hill, burping onion the whole way.
  3. The night before the race - not a good time to clip your toenails. I don't consider toenail clipping a full-contact sport, but one wrong move and those 5 miles get pretty uncomfortable.
Anyway, still ran a really good time (I thought, anyway). So, more hill work and less onions, garlic, milk and toenail clipping and I'll be good to go for those 2 half-marathons I'm signed up for!!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Who ARE These People. Seriously.

So, I just got back from the grocery store in what has to be the weirdest 10 minute drive EVER. About half way there in the 45mph zone a little kid (maybe 10?), on a bike, with NO helmet, dressed in a black and grey hoodie, headed towards oncoming traffic, riding in my lane because there was no shoulder appeared out of nowhere and I had to swerve in to oncoming traffic to avoid crushing his every bone. Geez.
Not 50 yards later....another person, a walker, thug-villain style with his pants down around his knees, ALSO dressed in a dark hoodie, trying (not really) to get off the road so I wouldn't crush him.
Nearly a mile later I was slowing to take a left in to the grocery store when I see something in the middle of the intersection that I SWEAR was the elusive and scarcely seen Cascade Grizzly Bear. Just when I'm about to take out my stun gun and cap the bear (no, I don't really have a stun gun, but it sounded good), a PERSON leaps from the sidewalk and runs DIRECTLY in front of my car and pulls the bear by it's collar to the sidewalk. Only then do I realize it's not a bear: its a HUGE dog. And there are three more on the sidewalk. Huge like bear huge. Who in their right mind takes four St. Bernards out off leash walking in the middle of the night (OK. It was 7pm - but it was dark!)? I swear.
Now, in retrospect, I'm going to say the brown sugar wasn't worth the trip.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Wow. So That Hurt Pretty Bad.

While I was at the mall today exchanging the gross of shirts I purchased for Todd I thought to myself, "Self, you deserve an eyebrow wax." I consider getting my eyebrows waxed a non-necessity - somewhat of a "splurge" - because truly its nothing I can't accomplish with some time and a good set of tweezers. I've only had it done twice before but today was a special day! Luxury!

So, I head off to the salon. The lady behind the desk says, "What can I do for you?", to which I say, "I was wondering if you had time for an eyebrow way?" She ushered me in to the back room and sat me down...and in her very accented voice says, "Oh..eyebrow wax? You want lip wax too?" Kind of offended, I scoff, "No!" But then, very secretly begin thinking, "Wait. Do I need it waxed? Why would she ask if I didn't? Is my lip really hairy or something?" So, I say to her, "Uhh. I've never had it waxed you think I need it done?"

Ah. Silly Rikki. Never ask someone you're paying if they think you need more work. She pulls in for a close up - seriously - inches from my face, then draws back and says, "Hmmm. Oh yeeesss. You need lip waxed!" And I wasn't sure if I was more offended by her response or horrified to have been running around looking like Chewbacca this long!!

I (silly Rikki) asked "Does it hurt?" To which she replied, "Not more than eyebrows." So, I think to myself "Crap. That really hurts. I bet this is really going to hurt." And it did. I was obviously the first waxing of the day because she had to heat the wax up in the microwave so it was like fresh napalm on my face. Awesome. Thank God I wore a hat to the mall so I could kinda hike my red mustache and the red rings around my eyebrows. I looked like a fool.

Four hours later (after the redness has subsided) I kinda like the outcome. By man, it did hurt!

Wardrobe Malfunction: Take Two.

So, I arrive home yesterday with a fresh batch of shirts to complete Todd's wardrobe makeover. He goes to try them on and every single one of them look like they were painted on. The sleeves of some of them were so small they wouldn't even stretch over his arms.

So, moral of the story is: According to me, Todd is as wide as he is tall (the great pant accident) and his upper body is that of a 12 year old.

So, I'm off to the store again... to exchange the shirts.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Oh No You Didn't...

I've often wondered what it would be like to be a guy and buy clothes or underwear for your girlfriend/wife. You could never win that one. Really. If you buy something that's too big then she's going to say, "How huge do you think I am? A-hole." And, if you get too many sizes too small she'd say, "You have unrealistic ideas about my size." and feel like a heifer for months. If you buy the right size she'd be mortified to know someone other than the dry cleaner knew her real size. Any way you cut it you'd lose.

So, what was I thinking trying to buy Todd some new jeans today? Really. Let's set the scene: me, at Costco (who shops retail these days?), combat shopping with my parents and the cranky baby. (A cold weather snap is like the end of the world around here and everyone and their mother rushed to Costco this afternoon to fill up on canned goods. I swear.) Todd is in desperate need of new jeans an I found two great, reasonably priced pairs and threw them in the cart. Some could argue I'm not, umm, "detail oriented", but I was totally sure I had the right size.

I arrive home, proud of myself, and sure Todd would love his new jeans. He walks in and I show him my prized possession: his new pants! Da-dah!!

..and the silence...and the head shaking..and the "How short and fat do you think I am?"  "Jigga-what?" Obviously not the "Thanks so much! How did you remember what size I wore? You're amazing." stuff I had imagined.

Apparently my take on Todd's size and Todd's real size are very different. A simple slip of the mind (not that my mind is slipping...) And, to top it off "You've bought the wrong size the last three times!!"

Friday, February 18, 2011

You Know You Play Too Much XBox Live....

...when your baby wants to wear your headset around the house and the only way to avoid a 6:00am meltdown is to let him wear it in the car. And that, my friends, is when you know you play too much XBox.

(Actually, its really cute. He thinks he's a rock star with a headset microphone and dances around with that thing on his head. I'll try to get some video of him and post it.)

On a side note: look who discovered KETCHUP!!! Mmmmm.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

A Little Boy and His Dog.

Colt loves Griz, that's for sure. "Dizzy" and "Dog" were two of his first words! Kissy kissy!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

When The Mother's Away...

Or, getting a massage in the next room. Seriously. I injured my shoulder four years ago when I fell from my horse three weeks before our wedding and suffered whiplash and a concussion. They wanted to put me in a neck brace and knowing full-well if I let Todd see me in one of those things he'd never let me get on a horse again, I just gave the doctor the, "Oh. I'll be fine..." Well, fast forward to my twice-monthly massage where Sonja arrives, sets her table up and I enjoy one hour of pure bliss while she tries to undo a shoulder injury that will probably haunt me the rest of my life.

Anyway, I digress. So, while the mom's away, the baby shall play! Here is what Todd caught him doing the second he turned away. Again, picture me blissfully aware in the next room...

See, the thing about babies is well, they're just so quick. And resourceful. Thank god for washable markers.

Who's the cutest little thing you've ever seen?? Seriously. This kid is a crack up.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

40mph and a Full Stop.

Not that I speed everywhere. Or, hardly anywhere. Let's be serious  - I have a toddler in tow. But, on my way to work this morning I followed one of the most irritating drivers in the county. Now, let's preface by saying I wasn't in a hurry either. I was a good 20 minutes early for my commute. I had my coffee. Second cup and was on my way to drop Colt off at my parent's house. Early. Not in a hurry. Driving the speed limit. Enjoying my morning.
Then, I fall in behind this SUV half way to work. Crossing our first major byway I notice his first full stop and three second pause before crossing the road. It's a busy road, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but there were no cars coming.
The next intersection only has three stop signs and one road has the right of way. As we approach the carless intersection (and I could tell because it was pitch black and level ground and no headlights to be seen for miles...) again, a full on stop (complete with turn indicator - which I appreciated) followed by the three second pause and then he made his turn and gently accelerated again. Topping out at 40mph (although the posted speed limit was 45mph) I followed on. At first it was cute: a driver who followed the rules and didn't speed. Different. But, I grew a little tired of nearly rear-ending this guy twice.
The final straw came on the last 4-way stop before I turned off the main road. It's a four way all stop with a blinking red light at an area where traffic can be seen approaching for a good two miles in every direction. I was turning right, as we he too (again, blinker on much further ahead of time than legally required). I'm not lying when I say everyone. Everyone. rolls through that intersection. Visibility is high, traffic flow is low and seriously everyone rolls through it. I'm not endorsing this as the right thing to do, I'm just saying think about how much gas you save by not stopping and resuming speed. Skewed logic? Perhaps.
So, I know this guy is going to blow this stop sign. And, did he? NO!! Blinker, complete stop, three second pause and slow acceleration to 40mph (again, 45mph posted speed limit). ARG! After nearly rear-ending him a third time, I couldn't contain my frustration and thought some very bad thoughts about him (the baby was in the car and I don't want his second language being pirate-speak like his mother).
The last intersection where I turn to go to work or to my parent's house approached and I was glad to be getting out from behind this guy. I knew he wouldn't be turning towards my parent's house. And he didn't: he turned right and went to MY WORK. I work with this guy! This irritating by-the-book, rule-following, slow driver! I work with him! Awesome.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Because I Wasn't Really A Good Driver To Start With.....

So, yesterday I go to return a saddle I borrowed from a perfect stranger. In a perfectly strange house with a perfectly strange driveway. (Might I add: a perfectly long, rocky, new driveway with edges that dropped steeply into soggy, muddy pits of despair...). I was, as instructed, to leave the saddle on the back porch because said perfect stranger would not be home. Sounds easy enough?

Oh, but you underestimate my ability to turn perfectly normal driving conditions into something from Legally Blond. Seriously.

So, I pull up the long, narrow, winding driveway with no turn-around and steep edges (can I make this sound any more like it's NOT my fault?) and put the saddle on the back porch as directed. I then decide that this particular area has a smaller ledge and because the frozen ground looks a little more stable, would be an excellent spot to pull off the driveway and turn around. And we all see where this is going, right? I'm sure I don't even need to say it, but I will anyway because ALL great stories start with..."And there I was: baby in the car seat..."

In order to see what I was doing I chose to back off the driveway into the, again, very stable-looking area to turn around. Three inches of clearance beneath my car coupled with low-profile tires and rear-wheel drive left me sunk to the rims and peeling out in a complete stranger's yard. Right on. There's nothing cooler than coming home and finding some half-wit with her car buried in your yard and a toddler screaming in the back seat, right? So, my initial panic set in and I called Todd at home (who was being amazing and cooking dinner while I had "just left for a minute" to drop this frickin' saddle off.) I couldn't bare admitting to him that I had, YET AGAIN, gotten myself into a sticky situation requiring chains, snatch blocks, a tractor and many, many more people, so I hung up before he answered. (Also, I would have called my dad, but only as a last resort, since the last time he pulled me out it did take chains, snatch blocks, a tractor and many, many more people.) Anyway, determined to get out of this by myself, I rocked back and forth in the car until I got enough traction and speed to launch me back on to the driveway. Not a HUGE whole, but certainly not unnoticeable...
In my infinite wisdom I attempt to pull off the other side of the driveway, putting my front tires in the pit of despair, leaving my back tires (since it is rear-wheel drive) on the gravel to heave me out. Well, that didn't work and I just started burning out on their driveway. I managed to get all four tires back up on the driveway and backed the entire way down the driveway and got away from there as fast as I could. I haven't gotten any calls regarding my insurance covering damages I did to their property, so I think it'll be OK. We'll see.

And to think, I didn't even like the saddle!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Sorry About the Delay! Back in Business.

So sorry for the lapse between posts. Kids are just, well, so time consuming! So much has happened that must be addressed:

FIRST HAIRCUT! I love it when they're too little to have a say. Daddy performed the first haircut to match his: Mohawk!! Totally the hit at daycare. He's so badass.

 He loved the clippers! Not a wet eye in the place.

Now, I'm not exactly sure where he learned this trick (Grandma? Grandpa? I'm not pointing fingers...) but I like to call it "Mommy didn't rinse the dishes before they went in here. Mmmm I'm still hungry." Enough said.

And this - a personal favorite. I visited Amy and her sister Abby over New Years and this is what happens when you let a boy toddler (unaccustomed to girl's toys) free in a very girly room:

No clothes and a fairy wand. That's SO going in the baby book.

I have to say, some of the highlights of my trip south to visit Amy and Abby include: 1.) First thing Saturday morning, Jan 1st, locking my only set of keys in my running car. Thank God for Amy's quick thinking and superior knowledge of Pop-A-Lock. I'm just impressed I hadn't put Colt in there yet. That could have been bad (although he said they do it for free if your kid is inside. FYI) 2.) Colt's first (and still only) identification of someone by their proper name: Abby, his new girlfriend. You'll wait for him, won't you Abby? ;) 3.) Chilling out. Seriously. For the first time in a long time. I didn't even get out of my pajamas until 9am. I call it ADHD on vacation!

And, below is a pic of our field (AKA pond) during the last heavy rain. Gotta love NW Washington in the winter!

Who are the cutest two boys in the world? Colt's going to be the best reader ever if Taylor keeps this up! As you can see, Taylor is reading him one of his favorites: Seasame Street's Nighty Night. He can identify Elmo, but calls him "Bell-Bo." Too cute.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Are We Asleep Yet?

I'm just going to say that for the last year we've been pretty fortunate with the whole sleeping baby thing. From the day he turned five months old he's slept about 11 hours every night. Straight. Uninterupted. 10 or 11 hours of glorious, silent sleep.
Until last week.
While we were on vacation and didn't really care about having to function during the day, my tendancy was to let it slide. The 2:00 am bottles and cuddling on the couch didn't really effect the following day because we were, afterall, on vacation. But now I'm back to work and have to actually focus, function and interact. (I've also taken up showering again for the benefit of my coworkers. FYI.) So, either Colt has grown accustomed to the midnight delights, he's teething again, or he's sick. We've eliminated a potential ear infection (which I thought might be the problem) and I'm unwilling to accept that he might actually like seeing me in the middle of the night, so teething? Maybe.
Either way I'm on to him.
Last night's bedtime: Dinner, bath, playtime, 1.875mL of infant Motrin, bottle and bedtime! And, how did it go you ask? Lovely!!!
11 hours of glorious sleep. (And 10 for me after the disasterous night before last.)
So, just when I think I'm on to something here, I realize the baby monitor was shut off last night - so who's really to say he didn't spend 1/2 the night awake anyway?

Anyway. I feel well rested. Which is good, right?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Blah Blah. Back to Work.

And so comes the end of our glorious, fun-filled, all-things-accomplished two week holiday vacation. I can't say my attitude here at work has been even close to tolerable this week. And, really? How could it? Todd and I have been on vacation since mid-December. And just when I was settling in to the retired lifestyle, here I am again at work. Ugh.
It took a little over a week for me to settle down. My self diagnosed adult onset ADD coupled with my somewhat irritating need to organize my tasks on a daily list really was not conducive to a layed back vacation.
We started out with a bang. The Friday afternoon before the "official" vacation Todd layed 200 feet of landscaping fabric and had a dump truck full of gravel delivered to complete a driveway to the barn for the concrete truck scheduled to arrive first thing Monday morning to pour a slab in the barn.
So, aside from the driveway installation, concrete form building, concrete pouring, limb chainsawing, the building of the hot water heater cover, various hose repair, the completion of a 3 rail fence between our property and the road and various menial tasks, we managed to slip in some relaxation time!
I finally chilled out the Wednesday before I had to go back to work and have been pretty angry at the world this entire week for even having to be back here. 
Oh well, so is life. I did spend $10 on Mega Millions tickets this go 'round in hopes of never having to come back, but I think we all know how that worked out. Another 30 years and I'm outta this place. But, until then, I'm switching to the Washington State Lotto - fewer people ya know.