Friday, January 1, 2010

And This Is How I Know The Pigs Would Eat Me If I Fell...

Christmas came late this year at our house. Between shift work (brother), holiday work (me), regular work (other brother) and vacation (other, other brother) we managed to celebrate the Sunday after Christmas. Todd cooked an amazing turkey but there's always the question of what to do with the extra pieces of unidentifiable turkey bits stuffed in the body cavity. We had pulled turkey sandwiches so there wasn't really a need for gravy and, after the last post (see dog barfing many times in night), I wasn't about to feed it to him.
Todd: "Give it to the pigs."
Me: "Really?"
Todd: "Yeah."
Me: "Really?"
Todd: "Yeah."
Me: "Raw?"
Todd: "Yeah."
Me: "Gross."
So, I plopped the bits, blood and all, into the slop bucket and headed to the pig pen. Mmmm. A Christmas dinner fit for kings: rotten veggies, potato peelings and various raw turkey chunks all smothered in steaming hot water. I was getting a little urpy just carrying it to the barn.
I filled their trough up with cereal and hog feed and them came tearing out of their house like it was, well, Christmas dinner. I started to pour the gut water onto the cereal and, just when I was totally convinced (after having barfed a little in my mouth...) they wouldn't eat that crap, they went apeshit. Not the usual "Hey. This is cool. Cereal again." More of the "I'm going to bite your legs off so you can't move and I will feast on this until I am too full to eat anymore."
 I cringed a little. Then I looked down just as the fat one grabbed the turkey neck in it's jaws and started gnawing on it like Griz chews sticks. He ran off to the middle of the pen squealing so the others wouldn't hastle him for a bite. Totally disgusting. So, I'm convinced now that they have the taste of blood in them they're man eaters. There's no way I'm going in there. They'd probably look at my calves like they looked at that turkey neck and I'd be dead: pounced on by weiner pigs.
I heard once pigs won't eat licorice flavored ice cream (a little known tidbit of information picked up from the Ben and Jerry's website) but, after the turkey neck incident I seriously doubt that's true. Dude. Raw? Come on.

1 comment:

  1. Oh God. Seriously barfed in my mouth a little while reading this. Problematic when you are also laughing hysterically. ;-)