Friday, December 18, 2009

Back By Popular Demand: The Story of How I Shocked My Ass with the Seat Warmers.

I realized the other day I referenced the story of how I shocked my own ass and perhaps not everyone out there heard the story of how that came about. So, here goes:

Upon arriving home one afternoon last spring, I pulled my car up to the garage door. That's right - pulled it up to the door (not inside the garage like I normally do) and left the keys in it (which I also don't normally do). It was beautiful that day and I had driven home with the sunroof open. My plan was to ride the horse then run in to town quick and grab some groceries. Well, I became distracted (probably by something shiny..) and didn't accomplish riding or running to town. So, there the car sat.
At 5:00 the next morning I awoke to sounds of rain on the roof and water in the downspouts and one big "Oh crap" in my mind. I knew instantly what I had done. After getting dressed I headed out to check out the damage. Damn. It had been raining all night. Hard too. Damn damn damn.
When I tried to open the driver's door I found it locked -- very suspicious. Although I rarely park outside, one thing I never do is lock my car. Hmm. Weird. I checked in the house, my purse, the bedroom, the door lock, everywhere - and no keys. That's weird. And, upon further inspection I realized the keys were in the ignition. And, we don't have a spare. The keys were in the ignition, the doors were locked, we don't have a spare.... but, wait! the sunroof's open!!
So, there I was: 5:00am maneuvering my pregnant ass through the open sunroof (in the rain..) and into the driver's seat of my car. There was water everywhere. The cupholders had about 1.5" of water in them and I was certain the two buttons on the center console were fried: the hazards and the door lock (which had obviously fried overnight and locked the doors.) The leather seats had standing water on them and were soaked to the core.
Anyway, at least the car started. I shut the sunroof (duh) and turned on the defrost and seat warmers to try to dry the car out. Twenty minutes later I headed off to work. I was about 1/2 way to work when I felt the wet seats soaking through my pants. The hazard button wouldn't work at all and when I tried the door lock button the hazards came on. Oops. Totally fried the console buttons.
Moments later I started to feel my heartbeat in my butt. "Hmmm. That's weird" I think, but continue on my way to work. Then the heartbeat gets more intense - to the point of being really distracting, almost painful. "I wonder if all pregnant women feel their heartbeat in their ass?" And continue on. Then it started to downright hurt where I had to lift my butt off the seat to drive. "I can't possibly be being shocked. What could shock me? The seat warmers? No way. Maybe. Hmm." So, I shut them off and it stopped. "Well, that's weird." So, I turn them back on. "Ouch! Dammit. That hurts. They ARE shocking me. Wicked." I turned them off for good and drove to work. I had a wet butt all day long (luckily my lab jacket covered that) and it took two days for the console buttons to start working right and nearly a week before I was brave enough to try the seat warmers. Which, by the way, didn't shock me then nor have the since.
I'm sure it was a total freak accident, but here's what I learned: the reason seat warmers work is because there is a heating element in the seat, which is prone to shorting out from moisture just like any other outlet. Let's just all be glad I don't routinely use a blow dryer, right?

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