Friday, July 23, 2010

Worst Mom of The Year Award Goes To.......

So, we're at my company BBQ last weekend and since I didn't really know anyone (Todd was meeting me there and hadn't yet arrived) I started chatting it up with a total stranger who had a kid roughly the same age as Colt. I say roughly the same age because size-wise he's a monster, and comparing kids to him puts him somewhere around 2 years. Anyway, the lady had a little girl (tiny, tiny girl, but barely crawling so I knew they were around the same age) and as the kids were poking at each other I tried making idle chit-chat. I say tried because the outcome proved less than desirable.

It started with the unassuming "Oh, she's so cute! And crawling!" and the "Oh, she has so much hair!" (Because Colt is finally growing hair, but its still really blond and you can barely see it, so he kinda still looks bald.)

Then I say, "How old is she?" and the mom says, "She just turned 9 months. What about him?" and I say, "Oh, he just turned 9 months too!" and thinking maybe by some stroke of total luck they were born on the same day, I say, "When was she born?" and the mom says "October 15th."

And I was seriously stumped for a bit because Colt was born in September and was 9 months too. But this little girl was born in October and was 9 months old? Weird. So she says, "When was he born?" and I say, "September 18th." and then I start wondering if he really is 9 months. Maybe 10? Now I'm not so sure. She says, "Then he's 10 months old." and I say quizzically, "Yeah, maybe he is 10 months old." and she says, "Oh. So, who's baby is he?"

To that I sheepishly and rather awkwardly answer, "Oh - he's my baby. And I think he's 10 months old." And my boss's boss (who is observing the conversation from behind us) bursts out laughing and nearly shoots beer out his nose.
Because that's the kind of impression I want to make: The one where I am asserting to perfect strangers and those in high-ranking management positions that I do NOT in fact know how old my kid is. Because performing petroleum laboratory testing on a daily basis does not require basic addition skills. And neither does parenting. Obviously.

And, if that wasn't bad enough - since the party was a spontaneous after work thing I came totally unprepared without a diaper bag, change of clothes or a bottle. Thank god some Mom Of The Year came through and lent me some formula and a bottle. I tell ya.


  1. Oh dear, that's hilarious!! If it makes you feel any better, I regularly forget how old I am. I had myself turning 30 a year early because I forgot that I was only 28, and had been telling people for months that I was 29. It finally sank in that it was 2005, and if I was born in 1976 then it was mathematically impossible for me to be turning 30. Did I mention that I failed math?

  2. You will have to pry the award for Worse Mom of the Year out of my cold, dead hands. This is hilarious! I was always thankful that Zoey was a December baby, this made counting her first months relatively easy...because basic math is not so basic, you know?