Granny Panties! Where Function Meets Ugly.

I'm just going to come right out and say it: I bought granny panties last weekend. I bought granny panties in a multi pack at Costco. At this stage in my life I've over the cute little Victoria Secret undies for a few reasons.

1. Although cute, they creep. Seriously. It's like my butt has developed some voracious appetite for underwear. Next thing you know you're wearing a thong that didn't start out as one.
2. What's the point? Underwear should serve merely to protect me from the bladder infections I develop if I either don't wear them or wear poorly fitting (see #1) underwear. Plus, cute underwear have "that effect" and with a toddler, quite frankly, I'm just too tired.

So, even though Todd commented, "Granny Panties!" when I opened the box, I'm sticking with my choice. In fact, I like them so much I might get another pack tomorrow!

Voyeurism: Not Just For The Crazies!

OK. We have a lot of chickens. And by a lot, I mean we're down from our all-time summer high of 75 to a much more manageable 20 laying hens. Which means we have a lot of eggs too. The layers laid more in the summer (more light, better mood, more food, ya know - all the things that would make me happier too), but now that we're entering winter and the days are getting shorter our eggs are kind of in short supply. We only get 12 a day now!

And the average person would say, "My, your cholesterol must be through the roof eating all those eggs!" Well, don't worry - we hatched (he he. Get it? Hatched?) the perfect plan for egg liquidation: A trip to the hardware store, some plywood, paint, ice packs and and a camping cooler and you've got a shanty-town roadside egg store! We started a couple months ago (but, remember? no internet for so, so long...) and I'm totally hooked on the roadside egg stand. I mean, this is better than reality TV. (Well, it has to be since I gave up watching The Bachelorette after Ali chose Roberto instead of the obvious choice Chris from Cape Cod. What was she thinking? Anyway.)

Seriously though, Saturday we wound up with four dozen extra eggs so I put them out about 8:00am and went shopping. And they were all gone when I got back about 12:00! We sold out. Doors closed - out of product. And, get this: people are actually dropping off empty egg cartons now! We have repeat customers! Satisfied, loyal, repeat customers that have to be surveying our house constantly just waiting to pounce on the egg stand! Not once have we had someone take eggs without paying - and people can be trusted to make their own change! We actually put money in the jar to start with so people can make their own change and the system is working!

I can't profile our customers yet, but I have seen this one guy in a small dark car stop for eggs twice now. I'm considering setting up a command post to monitor the purchasing a little closer 'cause, you know, a "sign-in" sheet would just be creepy.

Todd and I both agree there's only one way to address this demand for eggs: We need to buy more chickens!

But I'm Not Dead Yet!!!

...I KNOW what you were thinking: "Where has Rikki been?" Well, let me tell you the sad, sad story.....

First of all, I'm almost ashamed to say it out loud, but we don't have the internet at our house. I know, I know. Prehistoric. Caveman. Deprived. Call it what you will.

The real story is that ever since we had Comcast internet I can't bare to settle for anything less than ultra-super-duper-extra-fast cable internet. And dial up is our only alternative. That, and I'm too cheap to pay for satellite internet. Comcast stops 1/2 mile down the road and 11 telephone poles the other way. We live in the Comcast "dead area". True. Sad, but true.

 Then. Listen to this: they blocked my blogspot.com access at work!! I know. Heinous. What were they thinking? That I'd get more work done without my blog access? Now I just spend hours loafing around pining for my internet access. Can't they see the monster they've created? It's all their fault! And, to make it worse I don't even get the giant exclamation point and the warning "Accessing this site may negatively impact network performance. The Requested Internet Site May Have No Business Purpose." "Click here if you have a business reason to use this site."

No, I don't even get that - I just get the slow ascent of the green bars at the bottom of the page, leading me to believe it's loading, and then after 10 minutes I get a "Timed Out. The site or network may be too busy at this time. Please try at a later time or contact your system administrator." System administrator? Are they joking? I can't tell our IT guy that "Weird. I can't log on to my personal blog account any more during company hours. Can you look in to that for me? Yeah. Thanks. And, while you're at it, let's not mention any of this to my boss, K? Great..."

 Anyway, being the genius that I am (and by that I mean "Hey. It's only taken me 4 weeks to find a loophole in the system) I've found the way around!! I go to a different computer, log on as myself, then go to the blogspot.com webpage and log myself in!

 So, it's official: I'M BACK!! And there's so much to tell! More vacation pictures, pictures of the baby, and sooo many stories!

Baby Containment: A Necessary Evil.

I learned pretty quick that first day a loose toddler is a dangerous thing. The only thing he was really interested in was pulling the cigarette lighter out (they still make those?), putting it in his mouth, grabbing at the swinging keys and pulling on the gear shift. All things that are cute maybe when you're parked, but they become dangerously unnerving when you're actually driving. So, I let my inner engineering spirit loose and we ended up with this:

Which is the table lowered and covered in cushions with Colt's car seat belted to the cab-over ladder I found stashed in the RV. Pretty neat, huh?  Things were going really well until 20 minutes in to it what I can only term "catastrophic failure of the engineering design" happened and he and the contraption both went ass over tea kettle on to the ground. He was pretty shook up, but the only real damage was a skinned up left nostril, which scabbed over really well and makes him look like a real bad-ass. It also went pretty well with the steering wheel imprint on his forehead from the day before. The scab is nearly gone and you can't even really tell it was ever there.

Good news though: I was able to beef-up my design and we have had 12 consecutive crash-free days. Score.

Week Two of Roadtrip America is Winding Down.

Thank God. Perhaps two weeks of motorhome camping with a toddler and a 90 pound dog that constantly sheds is NOT for everyone? I'm just saying.

First, let me just clarify things having not posted since the fateful "OMG, I forgot my pills" post: We were able to stop that Sunday in Bend and (oh so thankfully) find a pharmacy that was able to call Haggen in Ferndale, have them fax down  my prescription, fill it for me and send us on our way in less than 30 minutes. Because we all remember the trip to Mexico which landed us in the delivery exactly 9 months later? We were also able to pick up all the important things we forgot. Like lawn chairs, popcorn and diapers.

We are currently stopped in some po-dunk town in the north eastern pan handle of Idaho. We were headed to Coeur d'Alene, but 10 miles into Idaho on I-90 the baby started the beginnings of an all-out meltdown (who doesn't like to spend 5 hours non-stop in a motorhome??) and my OCD got the best of me. I forced Todd off the highway in some even smaller town who's only export was obviously gravel, and at the first sight of a wide spot in the road screamed "Pull over!! I need out of this f***ing motorhome. There's shit everywhere!!" So, we all imagined I'd handle this trip well, right? Because I'm adaptable. And easy going. And not at all the neurotic person that wakes up early just so I can vacuum before work, right? Right.

So, before the prison cell on wheels had even come to a stop I busted out the side door with Griz right behind me. As far as I was concerned, the baby could fend for himself. After a brisk 50 yard walk or so I returned refreshed; feeling better than I had all day.

But, not before I muttered (under my breath, of course...) that, "If all I had to do was drive all day and stop for gas I'd be fine too." Because I'm not at all at fault here, right? For planning this trip? Luckily while we were stopped we were able to track down that pesky propane odor which, you guessed it, turned out to be propane! Fun, huh?

If I haven't said it before a hundred times, I will say it again: Thank God Todd is so patient. I would have left my ass that first night by the sign showing the dog jumping off the cliff. Really. He thinks things are funny and never gets stressed out. Which came in handy when I stormed off from our campsite in Cody carrying my blown out stroller wheel, walking to WalMart for a second time because "surely someone there can fix it." And, when I returned an hour later with blisters and a still blown out wheel, he grabbed it and had it fixed in 20 minutes. And didn't even say "I told you so."

Anyway, the walk did me good. So did the top to bottom motorhome cleanup I did roadside in that po-dunk town. I picked up the toys, did the dishes, cleaned up the cage we built for the baby (more on that later), swept the floor, organized the overhead cab, put away some clothes and voila! we were back on the road. Only this time I was driving. And I pulled over at the first exit I saw that had somewhere to stay. It's an RV park near the highway (I can hear the cars as I type), but the showers are free (and showers when you're camping are rare and altogether amazing), our neighbors are alright, and we have full hookups - including WiFi, which is the first time we've had that this entire trip!

So, all is well. The trip has actually been a lot of fun! I have a ton of pictures to download and even more stories to tell (who doesn't want to hear about me performing a 10 point turn in the 30 foot motorhome when I accidentally went down a dead end street?). I'll post when I get a chance. If all goes well we'll hit Washington tomorrow morning, camp somewhere near the Cascades tomorrow night and then be home Friday sometime. Sweet.