When Bath Time Goes From Fun to Very Un-Fun....

Last night was a big night at the Smeltzer house. It was Colt's first bath night!! Because the doctor advised against total submersion and because we have just about the coolest double headed glass encased shower stall in the world we opted for the shower for three. I will admit I was a little hesitant bringing the little guy into the shower for fear that he would be pretty slippery and we would re-enact that scene from Pretty Women - ya know "sure are slippery little suckers..." but all was going well.

He loved the shower! He loved it spraying on his little head and if we deflected the spray enough and let it dribble down over him it kept him warm enough he was totally digging the shower. I thought maybe my shower head spray was a little strong for him and Todd suggested we adjust it to spray a little softer. I was holding him and Todd managed the adjustment.

Well, as many know, there are three settings on a dial-style shower head: light mist, normal setting and the super-duper, three spray pulsating rip your skin off setting. Right. So, set at normal there were only two ways we could go...and we went the wrong way. Todd twisted the shower head and before I could shield Colt from the impact the pulsating spray hit him right on his stomach. Luckily no skin was blasted off, but the shock was enough to scare him into total hysterics.

And that, my friends, is when shower time went from fun to very un-fun. Sometimes I wonder if this kid has a fighting chance with us!!

Packing up That Bucket of Fun!

Yesterday I grabbed a plastic tote and started the process of packing up the maternity clothes. Well, the packing actually consisted of 2 minutes of ripping things hanger by hanger, throwing them in the tote and banishing them to the garage. Some notable items include:

• The blue and black polka-dotted shirt with the ties in the back. Ya know, the one who's ties ended up in the toilet water the first time I wore it? It's only redeeming quality was the fact that it's plunging neckline made my already large boobs look even bigger.
• The black snap-strap summer dress. Remember the one that cut loose as I got out of the car at the dealership leaving me totally exposed as the salesperson came over??
• The jeans with the huge tan fake stomach like front panel? I mean, why do they even make those? Have they ever held any one's pants up? Or, is everyone else like me: in a constant state of hiking the pants back up to where they're supposed to be?
• A white cotton shirt worn at the very end of my pregnancy that looks more like a boat sail with pockets sewn on the front. It really would have been cute, say, 10 sizes smaller!!
• The yoga pants. They were total high waters and the waist band was like 10 inches wide.

The only thing I was really sad to see go was the one pair of maternity jeans I found for $4.99 at Value Village that were already broken in, fit amazingly and had the small 2 inch elastic waistband sewn the whole way around. They were awesome. Sad to see them go.

All things are safely stored now. I was inclined to send them straight to the Goodwill, but I'm a firm believer there's this biological mechanism in all women that somehow allows us to block out all the sleepless nights, the frequent peeing, the constant crying (not just the baby....) and the aches and pains and somehow we end up with more than one kid. So, somewhere down the line those clothes might make it back into the house, but for now they will live in the garage!!

More Pictures of the Cutest Boy in the World!!

This picture is just so great. This was after we were prepped for surgery, right before we headed in. Todd and I were pretending we were in the Beastie Boys. The last picture of me in my "round" state.

They look sooooo cute when they're sleeping, don't they? You would never guess they could turn in an instand into some devilish screaming nightmare, would you? :)


The proud momma!

This is what happens when I get up in the morning. They spend a little more time in bed while I try feverishly to start the laundry, empty the dishwasher and organize for the day!

Milk Does Not Do a Baby Good.

Well, the milk that I'm drinking anyway....

After day 5 of the manic screaming during the evening hours I think we've finally narrowed the cause of his "episodes" down to me eating dairy products. The screaming the first night home from the hospital we're pretty convinced was because of the amazing dinner Todd cooked for me: red peppers, chicken breast and jalapenos in coconut milk over rice. Who knew babies don't really like jalapenos? And the second night of screaming was probably from the veggie sandwich covered in red onions. So, after eliminating nearly everything worth eating (coffee, caffeine, things with carbonation, things that are spicy, things that contain either onions or jalapenos and most things that taste good) the nightly screaming continues on...

And we're not talking normal baby crying. We're talking full-on, blood curdling, lip quivering, red faced crying for usually about 30 minutes to one hour. Every evening. Like clockwork.

My best friend Amy suggested cutting out dairy since Zoey (her nearly 3 year old) was intolerant of it for the first few months. But seriously? All they eat is milk. Would it really hurt him for me to drink milk? I love milk....

Night before last was by far the worst so far. He was inconsolable. Nothing would stop him. Nursing only meant more crying, although that was the only thing that would momentarily stop the shrieking. And that day consisted of:

Breakfast: One heaping bowl of Cheerios, covered in milk.

Lunch: Cream of mushroom soup and grilled cheese sandwich.

Dinner: Creamy noodles with salmon, Parmesan and feta cheese.

Dessert: One PISSED OFF BABY!

As I was trying fruitlessly to console Colton Todd thumbed through our complimentary (thanks to St. Joes) copy of Your Baby's First Year. Sure enough: we have a potentially colicky baby. We should try eliminating dairy from my diet and (under advice from the pediatrician) try drinking mint tea. Both of which I did yesterday. And, last night was night #1 of absolutely no crying. Not even a peep all night. Perhaps Amy and the doctors know what they're talking about, no?

Baby Geyser!!

Last weekend I was hanging at my brother and sister in law's house catching up on some much-needed time on the internet. (We don't have the internet at our house, hence the very sporadic blog postings and late-comings of the pictures of Colton...)

I was paying the bills, catching up on the latest Jon and Kate Plus Eight news and emailing with fury while Erica watched Colton. It really is much easier to type when someone else is watching the baby, not with him sprawled across my lap on his Boppy fussing like he is as I write this...

Erica (bless her heart) bounced him, talked to him, entertained him and even changed him while I went about my merry way. It's like heaven when someone else says, "Do you want me to change him?" I mean really....I'm well practiced in the diaper changing already but welcome any offer of a free change for the little guy.

So, I'm typing away in the other room while she lays him down on the chair to change him. Not just any chair...Daren's chair. They have matching recliners - his and hers. When I hear a gasp, then a laugh, then an "Oh my god..." and by the time I get out to where the action is Erica is full-on laughing and I can see that while the little guy was mid-change (diaper off, grabbing for the fresh one) he had cut loose with the water works. I have bore witness to this myself, but never with the force he demonstrated for her!! He not only got his stomach, chest, face, clothes and blankets... he managed to spray clear over his head and finish strong by dousing most of the bottom half of Daren's chair. Awesome!

All we could do was laugh. There he was, covered in his own pee and us standing there laughing. Poor thing. And, being the totally ill-prepared mother that I am, I had not one change of clothes or one extra blanket in my diaper bag. Erica bagged all the wet stuff, wiped him down, wiped the chair down and I wrapped him in the only thing I had - a nursing shawl. So, there we were: headed home after a long day of geyser making, wrapped in a nursing shawl with only a diaper on. Thank god we didn't get pulled over. We looked ridiculous. On the brighter side, I did get a lot of work on the internet accomplished...and found out that Jon wants off the show. The day wasn't a total bust after all! And, the first thing I added to the diaper bag was TWO changes of clothes and some extra blankets. I won't be caught off guard again!!